St. Diarrhea’s Day Massacre

As my situation had just gone from a, on a 1-10 scale beginning with a 3, (I might need to use the bathroom at some point, I should make this trip quick.) to an instant 12 (I’m literally soiling myself in the middle of a Walmart with hand towels and shower towels as my only source of fabric to wipe my ass with) I said “F*** the Keurig …

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